I'm not sure how well Bandits "make out", but, the expression's popularity makes it seem like they do good work. The real question is what does "making out" refer to...since it's Christmas time, does it refer to getting a lot of good gifts? Or does "making out" refer to a more rizzy definition (which is still not clearly defined) and could be kissing + touching or kissing + a tilt of head, etc. Bandits carry the connotation of being sleazy so "making out" for them is probably fairly involved and includes a lot of touching and other extracurriculars. I guess either way "making out like a bandit" is pretty awesome and I should be "making out" pretty well this Christmas since I know I'm getting some good video games.
In the more rizzy definition, I will probably not have as much luck as Alex. Alex really needs to nail down the definition of "making out" so we know what he's talking about when he says he "made out" with someone over the weekend. This would help Grant's line of follow-up questioning and know whether to shelf "How did they look naked?" or use it as his lead. As it stands today, the degree of nakedness within "making out" is unknown and thankfully Grant recognizes this and brings it into question. Also, for simplicities sake, I just assume "making out" is a synonym for banging. I don't know why, but I guess it just makes more sense to me that 2 adults would conclude a make out session for a biological reasons and not some awkward moment that may or may not include a handshake...anyway that's just me. So, I guess we could all learn how to make out or create some type of "making out" scale. My rough draft of the scale is below.
RIZZINESS SCALE OF MAKING OUT
1 - Kissing w/tongue...if you kiss your mom or child that shouldn't be classified as a 1 rizzy make out.
2 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt
3 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching
4 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching only upper half
5 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching of both halves
6 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + under shirt touching either half
7 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + removal of upper half clothing (I think this is where making out like a Bandit starts)
8 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + complete nakedness
9 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + any degree of nakedness + extracurriculars that don't lead to making babies
10 - Banging...kissing or head tilt is optional.
So, using this scale you could say "It was just a 1 rizzy make out" or "We made out 10 rizzy style" or "I don't know I was so drunk the last thing I remember was 8 rizzy and I woke up naked". I don't think it's perfect, but at least it helps Grant hold out the nakedness question for at least a 7 rizzy.
Also, the sausage pizza was good (comparable to a .75 rizzy make out session). Alex tried to hold out since he ate $5 worth of pot luck food at work (He's going to send out the recipes and I'll try to post them on the blog) Grant was clearly distressed by Alex's lack of eating. However, temptation got the best of Alex and he burned his mouth on slice 1 about 10 minutes after the pizza was delivered. It serves him right trying to overcome a temptation as strong as sausage pizza...anyway, Grant's life was put back in balance after Alex started eating and everyone lived happily ever after, except for Dave for any number of reasons which can only be seen not written.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Going Hungry Tonight....
I wasn't able to attend tonight's Sausage Pizza domination. You could say I was there in spirit...but it's not likely spirits can enjoy the deliciousness of sausage pizza, so who cares. And, if mine did have some sausage pizza, it did not share it's joy with me...so either my spirit sucks at life or it is a tormented spirit since it can see sausage pizza but not taste it. Anyway, I couldn't attend because I'm married with child. Marriage and children mean a severe loss in freedom...a loss great enough that if Braveheart's wife, Murron, did not have her throat cut and he wasn't disemboweled, a sequel could have been made where he fought for his freedom not from an oppressive ruler (Edward "Longshanks" of England) but from his life of marriage and children.
So, I'm sure tonight's meal was mega rizzy (probably not quite rizzy rizzy, unless 2 girls made out...sausage pizza + 2 girls making out might need an extra rizzy). If anyone were to notice the group devouring obese amounts of sausage pizza they might think 1)they really enjoy their sausage pizza 2)there's a good looking group of people (everyone being part of the good looking aesthetic beauty association for 20+ years) and finally 3)why would those people hang out with each other? Without seeing the group and stereotyping us by age, race and gender, this doesn't make sense. So let's do that.
Visually, the entire cast of people who think sausage pizza is rizzy includes Mexicans, old guys, Aryans, Caucasians, a baby and a token African-American. So, we should be a culturally diverse group, but I think the only one who practices any cultural tradition is Tom (I believe Tom is Irish so all he has to do is drink and turn red when hit by sunlight. Also, if the Irish love White Castle, Tom fits that stereotype as well...actually I might be Irish). Anyway, I think most of us defy our stereotypes and actually fill in for each other's stereotypes. Examples...
1) The stereotypical baby loves to sleep, hence the term "sleep like a baby". Brandon (the baby) sucks at sleeping and Lisa who is in her early 20's has the ability to sleep roughly 16 hours a day. I hope someday Brandon will "sleep like a Lisa".
2) Mexicans love to play soccer...Mike and Nigel both play more soccer and know more about the "sport" than Alex.
3) White people can't jump...myself, Duffy and high-school-Grant jump very well. Maybe almost as well as Nigel, but I'm not sure because I've only seen Nigel jump into a wooden bench in an attempt to shatter it into a million splinters. He was unsuccessful.
4) Old people are wrinkly. Mike is the eldest, having followed "The Dead". He has probably been asked if he would like crayons and a children's menu more than asked to see his ID.
Anyway, stereotypes are based in truth. But, never interrupt someone else's conversation with that line...especially in the bathroom. If you do, something extremely unrizzy could happen.
So, I'm sure tonight's meal was mega rizzy (probably not quite rizzy rizzy, unless 2 girls made out...sausage pizza + 2 girls making out might need an extra rizzy). If anyone were to notice the group devouring obese amounts of sausage pizza they might think 1)they really enjoy their sausage pizza 2)there's a good looking group of people (everyone being part of the good looking aesthetic beauty association for 20+ years) and finally 3)why would those people hang out with each other? Without seeing the group and stereotyping us by age, race and gender, this doesn't make sense. So let's do that.
Visually, the entire cast of people who think sausage pizza is rizzy includes Mexicans, old guys, Aryans, Caucasians, a baby and a token African-American. So, we should be a culturally diverse group, but I think the only one who practices any cultural tradition is Tom (I believe Tom is Irish so all he has to do is drink and turn red when hit by sunlight. Also, if the Irish love White Castle, Tom fits that stereotype as well...actually I might be Irish). Anyway, I think most of us defy our stereotypes and actually fill in for each other's stereotypes. Examples...
1) The stereotypical baby loves to sleep, hence the term "sleep like a baby". Brandon (the baby) sucks at sleeping and Lisa who is in her early 20's has the ability to sleep roughly 16 hours a day. I hope someday Brandon will "sleep like a Lisa".
2) Mexicans love to play soccer...Mike and Nigel both play more soccer and know more about the "sport" than Alex.
3) White people can't jump...myself, Duffy and high-school-Grant jump very well. Maybe almost as well as Nigel, but I'm not sure because I've only seen Nigel jump into a wooden bench in an attempt to shatter it into a million splinters. He was unsuccessful.
4) Old people are wrinkly. Mike is the eldest, having followed "The Dead". He has probably been asked if he would like crayons and a children's menu more than asked to see his ID.
Anyway, stereotypes are based in truth. But, never interrupt someone else's conversation with that line...especially in the bathroom. If you do, something extremely unrizzy could happen.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Sausage Pizza Meeting...
Time: 6:30
Location: Bill's Pub
Chair: Ondo Show
Grant held a meeting tonight where he discussed his job, heparin and Dennis Quaid. He didn't where his lab coat and apparently hasn't worn it for a few years. He tapped Kim as his task master(?), but she wasn't able to control Alex's random thoughts...such as Dennis Quaid is the lame version of Harrison Ford, which is really the only reason any one knows who Dennis Quaid is. He was an extra in Stripes, which is probably his most notable role. I don't think there is any mechanism, strategy or mineral to stop Alex's random thoughts. Grant had the best strategy of just not inviting him to meetings. I guess Alex's random thoughts are the Superman of thoughts (minus the vulnerability to kryptonite).
Nigel has a new lady friend who is very multicoloral...white(hailing from Whitetoria), green (Irish), red (Native American), and black (African). She is also Italian because that's the nationality you get when you mix whites, greens and reds...just look at the flag.
Kim dominates the claw game. $2 has turned into two balls and bear in Bulls gear...it's too bad you can't pull sausage pizza out of the claw game. That would really give reason to being Kim's friend. Although, I can't imagine sausage pizza coming from the claw game would be of the highest grade. Sliders would probably be a better choice of prize for the claw game. Their size makes them the claw's perfect mark and their deliciousness is invincible to any hostile storage environment. For all I know, White Castle employees don't make sliders they actually do pull them from a claw machine. This is probably the reason getting a 30 pack takes so long. With Kim's sole ability of commanding the claw game she should work for White Castle and become their Jesus.
(video not edited)
Anyway, the Amazing Jonathan is hilarious and other things were discussed, but I can't stop thinking about having a White Castle branded claw machine...that would be rizzy.
Location: Bill's Pub
Chair: Ondo Show
Grant held a meeting tonight where he discussed his job, heparin and Dennis Quaid. He didn't where his lab coat and apparently hasn't worn it for a few years. He tapped Kim as his task master(?), but she wasn't able to control Alex's random thoughts...such as Dennis Quaid is the lame version of Harrison Ford, which is really the only reason any one knows who Dennis Quaid is. He was an extra in Stripes, which is probably his most notable role. I don't think there is any mechanism, strategy or mineral to stop Alex's random thoughts. Grant had the best strategy of just not inviting him to meetings. I guess Alex's random thoughts are the Superman of thoughts (minus the vulnerability to kryptonite).
Nigel has a new lady friend who is very multicoloral...white(hailing from Whitetoria), green (Irish), red (Native American), and black (African). She is also Italian because that's the nationality you get when you mix whites, greens and reds...just look at the flag.
Kim dominates the claw game. $2 has turned into two balls and bear in Bulls gear...it's too bad you can't pull sausage pizza out of the claw game. That would really give reason to being Kim's friend. Although, I can't imagine sausage pizza coming from the claw game would be of the highest grade. Sliders would probably be a better choice of prize for the claw game. Their size makes them the claw's perfect mark and their deliciousness is invincible to any hostile storage environment. For all I know, White Castle employees don't make sliders they actually do pull them from a claw machine. This is probably the reason getting a 30 pack takes so long. With Kim's sole ability of commanding the claw game she should work for White Castle and become their Jesus.
(video not edited)
Anyway, the Amazing Jonathan is hilarious and other things were discussed, but I can't stop thinking about having a White Castle branded claw machine...that would be rizzy.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sausage Pizza is served quite hot...
This is obvious, but when the waiter/waitress places a pizza before you this logic is surprisingly removed from the brain. It would be nice if the black art pizza uses to remove this logic from the brain would also remove the sensory portion that experiences pain because biting into a pizza recently removed from a 450 degree oven hurts. 450 degrees is very hot...its roughly the melting for Selenium...that's ridiculous. The cruelty doesn't just stop with pain...the burn also has the ability to remove the sense of taste. Which means you are left with imagining the taste but still doing the work of lifting the pizza slice and chewing it...I'm positive this sadistic situation is what inspired Len Wein to give Wolverine his regeneration ability. Maybe it's not pizza's black art, but simply the mind craving pizza so much that it's willing to believe the pizza oil is not as hot as the oil poured from castles onto naive attackers. Either way pizza is served hot and it sucks when your burn the roof of your mouth or tongue.
Speaking of castles, Tommy mentioned that a blog about rizziness needs to include White Castle. I think this is true and made me wonder what is it about White Castle that makes it so rizzy (other than deliciousness). My conclusion is that anything with "castle" in its name or associated with castles is pretty much always rizzy.
Examples:
Also, castles are guaranteed to have attractive princesses and likely (at least in my mind) to have bear skin rugs...this makes getting 2 notches on the belt possible (1 notch for princess, 1 notch for bear skin rug). However, the log cabin is probably the structure most likely to have a bear skin rug, but its not likely to have attractive princesses. There should probably be a notch for sex in a castle since it's a dominant structure...better than the tepee, the igloo, the house, the fort, etc. I think the only thing that rivals it is Helms Deep an it's really just a spin off of the castle. Anyway, I think Castle is a good name for baby #2.
There were plenty of gems at tonights pizza consuming...
Speaking of castles, Tommy mentioned that a blog about rizziness needs to include White Castle. I think this is true and made me wonder what is it about White Castle that makes it so rizzy (other than deliciousness). My conclusion is that anything with "castle" in its name or associated with castles is pretty much always rizzy.
Examples:
 | - Castle Grayskull - Medieval Times - Hendrix's Castles Made of Sand - Sand Castles |
Also, castles are guaranteed to have attractive princesses and likely (at least in my mind) to have bear skin rugs...this makes getting 2 notches on the belt possible (1 notch for princess, 1 notch for bear skin rug). However, the log cabin is probably the structure most likely to have a bear skin rug, but its not likely to have attractive princesses. There should probably be a notch for sex in a castle since it's a dominant structure...better than the tepee, the igloo, the house, the fort, etc. I think the only thing that rivals it is Helms Deep an it's really just a spin off of the castle. Anyway, I think Castle is a good name for baby #2.
There were plenty of gems at tonights pizza consuming...
- Million Dollar Idea: Making crates with "Babysitter" labeled on the side. A crate is probably a better babysitter than most human options.
- Firing a BB gun probably isn't the same as firing a real gun...and if anyone asks you if you've fired a gun, don't use a BB gun as your example.
- Cheerleaders are slackers...they abbreviate team names when creating vocals for cheers and really put no thought into their words...if you take away their flashy gymnastics and prettiness, there is nothing to inspire a team to victory...Braveheart didn't need fancy stunts or good-looks to inspire an army to victory against hopeless odds. He only needed words...and Freedom
- Does Wheel of Fortune display the letters selected to the contestants? If so, why do some people ask for a letter that's already been selected? Are they stupid? If Alex was a contestant he would always try to solve the puzzle. Peter Griffin is clearly the best contestant ever
- English class is really just S.S.R, so bring your calculator so you can actually learn something (preferably the TI-85)
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Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Thanksgiving meal is like Voltron
The idea of the blog was to post discussions had over pizza before or after league. But, in the last month we've only had 1 match, which makes me wonder why we paid an entry fee for a league that never occurs.
Anyway, it's Thanksgiving which means I will still eat a meal that can compete with sausage pizza. The Thanksgiving meal reminds me of Voltron, because alone none of the dishes are impressive, much like the Voltron Lions. Turkey is good, but very one-dimensional. Stuffing and mashed potatoes are good, but alone don't make meals. And, corn needs meat. But, combined these foods can, given they possess or can create a blazing sword, cut hunger in half or at least destroy it with deliciousness. Also, both the Thanksgiving meal and Voltron get served. (this is really a creative tie-in).
Anyway, this post lacks any topics related to rizzyness or making out (making out actually has been overlooked overall)...so I will discuss a dream I had last night where 2 girls where making out (here defined by kissing and touching). 1 girl being someone I know very well and the other girl is related to the girl I know very well. I think the 4 people who read this can guess who the girls are...anyway the dream was mega rizzy...actually "mega" lacks the degree, impressiveness and volume necessary as the adverb...let's just say is was rizzy rizzy. With the first rizzy being the adverb, like mega, but with the definition being the degree and impressiveness of 2 girls making out.
Anyway, it's Thanksgiving which means I will still eat a meal that can compete with sausage pizza. The Thanksgiving meal reminds me of Voltron, because alone none of the dishes are impressive, much like the Voltron Lions. Turkey is good, but very one-dimensional. Stuffing and mashed potatoes are good, but alone don't make meals. And, corn needs meat. But, combined these foods can, given they possess or can create a blazing sword, cut hunger in half or at least destroy it with deliciousness. Also, both the Thanksgiving meal and Voltron get served. (this is really a creative tie-in).
Anyway, this post lacks any topics related to rizzyness or making out (making out actually has been overlooked overall)...so I will discuss a dream I had last night where 2 girls where making out (here defined by kissing and touching). 1 girl being someone I know very well and the other girl is related to the girl I know very well. I think the 4 people who read this can guess who the girls are...anyway the dream was mega rizzy...actually "mega" lacks the degree, impressiveness and volume necessary as the adverb...let's just say is was rizzy rizzy. With the first rizzy being the adverb, like mega, but with the definition being the degree and impressiveness of 2 girls making out.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sausage Pi-zigg-ity is Ri-zigg-ity
The title (even though I can't remember how it was said so I can't spell it phonetically) is awesome and no post is really necessary. But, this is also awesome and so is this video
So, it's clear the following recount (as remembered by me) is destined for gloriousness and will dine in hell with Spartans.
So, it's clear the following recount (as remembered by me) is destined for gloriousness and will dine in hell with Spartans.
- Grant loves Waukegan an unnatural amount...what is an unnatural amount?
- Alex does not love Wildwood an unnatural amount
- If a "girl" walks like a dude, she probably has a wiener or at least likes to scissor
- Make sure you have the pizza and spaghetti on the grill when people stop by for your All American meal
- There is probably more "A" material I just don't remember it or was parenting since the "dumb baby" came along. But this post contains the word 'phonetically', GI JOE, Family Guy and a mutant sooooo....What's going on? How are you? Yeah, oh it's just me, Stewie, just being myself, ah yeah. Oh, oh well this here? Oh, it's just my package, yeah just ah just ah my package, God delivered it I signed for it the world keeps on spinnin', yeah.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Suck at life...
No sausage pizza again because we had a bye this week, but the weekend's pizza onslaught kind of made up for not having pizza tonight.
The Story
On Saturday we ordered 1 large cheese pizza and 1 large pepperoni pizza both with stuffed crust from Pizza Hut (I am aware of the contradiction to the blog name and the pizza ordered). We received 1 cheese pizza no stuffed crust and 1 sausage pizza with stuffed crust. So, either someone sucks at life so much that they can't even get our order close to correct or my love of sausage pizza is so hearty, that no matter what I order, a sausage pizza will be delivered. Anyway, a complaint to the manager prompted him to ask "What would you like me do?" and we responded with "Give us the correct order"...So, we ended up with 4 large pizzas....Nice.
Morals of the Story
The Story
On Saturday we ordered 1 large cheese pizza and 1 large pepperoni pizza both with stuffed crust from Pizza Hut (I am aware of the contradiction to the blog name and the pizza ordered). We received 1 cheese pizza no stuffed crust and 1 sausage pizza with stuffed crust. So, either someone sucks at life so much that they can't even get our order close to correct or my love of sausage pizza is so hearty, that no matter what I order, a sausage pizza will be delivered. Anyway, a complaint to the manager prompted him to ask "What would you like me do?" and we responded with "Give us the correct order"...So, we ended up with 4 large pizzas....Nice.
Morals of the Story
- It's good that some people suck at life because it allows people who don't suck at life to get free stuff.
- If your love is strong enough it won't be denied, even if you don't order it.
- Create a list of snappy comebacks for the question "What would you like me to do?". Answering the question politely and realistically isn't funny.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
No Pizza Today
We didn't get pizza tonight since it's Halloween and league was canceled. It's ok though because we took BDP out Trick or Treating so I got candy, which is a close second to sausage pizza. This also marks the first time he was able to do something for me...it's not mowing the lawn or washing the car, but I think I would take a free heaping bag of candy over the previous tasks...in fact, if I asked him to mow the lawn and he countered with providing me a grocery bag full of candy which I don't have to pay for, I would accept. Now, all he has to do is retrieve beers for Alex on command and he will have fulfilled his destiny.
Heroes is the greatest show ever...if you disagree I will shoot you in the face. If you saw the last episode you would get the reference (man with the horned rimmed glasses shoots Ivan in the face). I would never shoot anyone in the face...unless there was a gun that shot pizza. I would gladly shoot someone in the face with a pizza shooting gun...the pizza shooting gun could be the next million dollar invention. In fact, eating pizza with your hands and not using a pizza shooting gun almost seems neanderthalic...I have nothing against Neanderthals (wouldn't want to get sued by the Geico cavemen) they just didn't have the technology to eat pizza any other way but using their hands...I guess they had spears, but delivering pizza to your face via a spear ultimately ends ups with a spear in the face.
I am the most rizziest person ever...if you disagree, disagree to my face...but disagree to my face using the Internet.
I typed 'rizzy' into Google Images and this came up. I'm not a big post-it user, but these have the power to change men...for rizzy.
Heroes is the greatest show ever...if you disagree I will shoot you in the face. If you saw the last episode you would get the reference (man with the horned rimmed glasses shoots Ivan in the face). I would never shoot anyone in the face...unless there was a gun that shot pizza. I would gladly shoot someone in the face with a pizza shooting gun...the pizza shooting gun could be the next million dollar invention. In fact, eating pizza with your hands and not using a pizza shooting gun almost seems neanderthalic...I have nothing against Neanderthals (wouldn't want to get sued by the Geico cavemen) they just didn't have the technology to eat pizza any other way but using their hands...I guess they had spears, but delivering pizza to your face via a spear ultimately ends ups with a spear in the face.
I am the most rizziest person ever...if you disagree, disagree to my face...but disagree to my face using the Internet.
I typed 'rizzy' into Google Images and this came up. I'm not a big post-it user, but these have the power to change men...for rizzy.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Grant is better than my kid
1) Grant made it clear that he is much smarter than BDP...basically Grant is better than any child.
2) BDP is in the 99th percentile of loving balls (there just isn't a non-innuendo way to craft the statement).
3) You can save some money by ordering a cheese pizza and telling Duffy it's pepperoni...he won't know the difference.
4) Waitresses are much nicer to you if Alex isn't around.
5) What actually constitutes making out was brought up but not discussed in detail.
6) If you want to be left alone go to Saint George Island or just hang out with Grant and Julie.(BURN)
7) I am the only one who posts to this blog because I'm a super genius and because I don't know how to give anyone else rights to post.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Post for Oct. 18, 0 AFR
This post occurs on Wednesday, October 18th in year 0 AFR.
Dates will now be referenced using the BFR (Before Free Refills) and AFR (After Free Refills) epochs (epoch)
Other topics covered but were not as sweet as free refills...
1) Alex is going to go to a seminar to get a super memory...there's a money back guarantee so it's a pretty sweet deal.
2) The debate rages on over whose break dancing flare is better between Alex and Nigel
After seeing this video, I don't know if either of them are conducting the proper flare, but I'm white so my opinion means nothing on this subject
3) I know a million dollar idea was discussed but I can't remember what is was...hopefully Alex gets his super memory soon because we can't afford to bring a stenographer to Wednesday night pizza...there was also a movie with Kate Hudson and some male actor where Kate Hudson was a stenographer and the title of the movie contained people's names, but the best title we could come up with was Kate and Leopold, but that's not right since it starred Wolverine and Meg Ryan...maybe it's You Me and Dupree.
Dates will now be referenced using the BFR (Before Free Refills) and AFR (After Free Refills) epochs (epoch)
Other topics covered but were not as sweet as free refills...
1) Alex is going to go to a seminar to get a super memory...there's a money back guarantee so it's a pretty sweet deal.
2) The debate rages on over whose break dancing flare is better between Alex and Nigel
After seeing this video, I don't know if either of them are conducting the proper flare, but I'm white so my opinion means nothing on this subject
3) I know a million dollar idea was discussed but I can't remember what is was...hopefully Alex gets his super memory soon because we can't afford to bring a stenographer to Wednesday night pizza...there was also a movie with Kate Hudson and some male actor where Kate Hudson was a stenographer and the title of the movie contained people's names, but the best title we could come up with was Kate and Leopold, but that's not right since it starred Wolverine and Meg Ryan...maybe it's You Me and Dupree.
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