I'm not sure how well Bandits "make out", but, the expression's popularity makes it seem like they do good work. The real question is what does "making out" refer to...since it's Christmas time, does it refer to getting a lot of good gifts? Or does "making out" refer to a more rizzy definition (which is still not clearly defined) and could be kissing + touching or kissing + a tilt of head, etc. Bandits carry the connotation of being sleazy so "making out" for them is probably fairly involved and includes a lot of touching and other extracurriculars. I guess either way "making out like a bandit" is pretty awesome and I should be "making out" pretty well this Christmas since I know I'm getting some good video games.
In the more rizzy definition, I will probably not have as much luck as Alex. Alex really needs to nail down the definition of "making out" so we know what he's talking about when he says he "made out" with someone over the weekend. This would help Grant's line of follow-up questioning and know whether to shelf "How did they look naked?" or use it as his lead. As it stands today, the degree of nakedness within "making out" is unknown and thankfully Grant recognizes this and brings it into question. Also, for simplicities sake, I just assume "making out" is a synonym for banging. I don't know why, but I guess it just makes more sense to me that 2 adults would conclude a make out session for a biological reasons and not some awkward moment that may or may not include a handshake...anyway that's just me. So, I guess we could all learn how to make out or create some type of "making out" scale. My rough draft of the scale is below.
RIZZINESS SCALE OF MAKING OUT
1 - Kissing w/tongue...if you kiss your mom or child that shouldn't be classified as a 1 rizzy make out.
2 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt
3 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching
4 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching only upper half
5 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching of both halves
6 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + under shirt touching either half
7 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + removal of upper half clothing (I think this is where making out like a Bandit starts)
8 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + complete nakedness
9 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + any degree of nakedness + extracurriculars that don't lead to making babies
10 - Banging...kissing or head tilt is optional.
So, using this scale you could say "It was just a 1 rizzy make out" or "We made out 10 rizzy style" or "I don't know I was so drunk the last thing I remember was 8 rizzy and I woke up naked". I don't think it's perfect, but at least it helps Grant hold out the nakedness question for at least a 7 rizzy.
Also, the sausage pizza was good (comparable to a .75 rizzy make out session). Alex tried to hold out since he ate $5 worth of pot luck food at work (He's going to send out the recipes and I'll try to post them on the blog) Grant was clearly distressed by Alex's lack of eating. However, temptation got the best of Alex and he burned his mouth on slice 1 about 10 minutes after the pizza was delivered. It serves him right trying to overcome a temptation as strong as sausage pizza...anyway, Grant's life was put back in balance after Alex started eating and everyone lived happily ever after, except for Dave for any number of reasons which can only be seen not written.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Going Hungry Tonight....
I wasn't able to attend tonight's Sausage Pizza domination. You could say I was there in spirit...but it's not likely spirits can enjoy the deliciousness of sausage pizza, so who cares. And, if mine did have some sausage pizza, it did not share it's joy with me...so either my spirit sucks at life or it is a tormented spirit since it can see sausage pizza but not taste it. Anyway, I couldn't attend because I'm married with child. Marriage and children mean a severe loss in freedom...a loss great enough that if Braveheart's wife, Murron, did not have her throat cut and he wasn't disemboweled, a sequel could have been made where he fought for his freedom not from an oppressive ruler (Edward "Longshanks" of England) but from his life of marriage and children.
So, I'm sure tonight's meal was mega rizzy (probably not quite rizzy rizzy, unless 2 girls made out...sausage pizza + 2 girls making out might need an extra rizzy). If anyone were to notice the group devouring obese amounts of sausage pizza they might think 1)they really enjoy their sausage pizza 2)there's a good looking group of people (everyone being part of the good looking aesthetic beauty association for 20+ years) and finally 3)why would those people hang out with each other? Without seeing the group and stereotyping us by age, race and gender, this doesn't make sense. So let's do that.
Visually, the entire cast of people who think sausage pizza is rizzy includes Mexicans, old guys, Aryans, Caucasians, a baby and a token African-American. So, we should be a culturally diverse group, but I think the only one who practices any cultural tradition is Tom (I believe Tom is Irish so all he has to do is drink and turn red when hit by sunlight. Also, if the Irish love White Castle, Tom fits that stereotype as well...actually I might be Irish). Anyway, I think most of us defy our stereotypes and actually fill in for each other's stereotypes. Examples...
1) The stereotypical baby loves to sleep, hence the term "sleep like a baby". Brandon (the baby) sucks at sleeping and Lisa who is in her early 20's has the ability to sleep roughly 16 hours a day. I hope someday Brandon will "sleep like a Lisa".
2) Mexicans love to play soccer...Mike and Nigel both play more soccer and know more about the "sport" than Alex.
3) White people can't jump...myself, Duffy and high-school-Grant jump very well. Maybe almost as well as Nigel, but I'm not sure because I've only seen Nigel jump into a wooden bench in an attempt to shatter it into a million splinters. He was unsuccessful.
4) Old people are wrinkly. Mike is the eldest, having followed "The Dead". He has probably been asked if he would like crayons and a children's menu more than asked to see his ID.
Anyway, stereotypes are based in truth. But, never interrupt someone else's conversation with that line...especially in the bathroom. If you do, something extremely unrizzy could happen.
So, I'm sure tonight's meal was mega rizzy (probably not quite rizzy rizzy, unless 2 girls made out...sausage pizza + 2 girls making out might need an extra rizzy). If anyone were to notice the group devouring obese amounts of sausage pizza they might think 1)they really enjoy their sausage pizza 2)there's a good looking group of people (everyone being part of the good looking aesthetic beauty association for 20+ years) and finally 3)why would those people hang out with each other? Without seeing the group and stereotyping us by age, race and gender, this doesn't make sense. So let's do that.
Visually, the entire cast of people who think sausage pizza is rizzy includes Mexicans, old guys, Aryans, Caucasians, a baby and a token African-American. So, we should be a culturally diverse group, but I think the only one who practices any cultural tradition is Tom (I believe Tom is Irish so all he has to do is drink and turn red when hit by sunlight. Also, if the Irish love White Castle, Tom fits that stereotype as well...actually I might be Irish). Anyway, I think most of us defy our stereotypes and actually fill in for each other's stereotypes. Examples...
1) The stereotypical baby loves to sleep, hence the term "sleep like a baby". Brandon (the baby) sucks at sleeping and Lisa who is in her early 20's has the ability to sleep roughly 16 hours a day. I hope someday Brandon will "sleep like a Lisa".
2) Mexicans love to play soccer...Mike and Nigel both play more soccer and know more about the "sport" than Alex.
3) White people can't jump...myself, Duffy and high-school-Grant jump very well. Maybe almost as well as Nigel, but I'm not sure because I've only seen Nigel jump into a wooden bench in an attempt to shatter it into a million splinters. He was unsuccessful.
4) Old people are wrinkly. Mike is the eldest, having followed "The Dead". He has probably been asked if he would like crayons and a children's menu more than asked to see his ID.
Anyway, stereotypes are based in truth. But, never interrupt someone else's conversation with that line...especially in the bathroom. If you do, something extremely unrizzy could happen.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Sausage Pizza Meeting...
Time: 6:30
Location: Bill's Pub
Chair: Ondo Show
Grant held a meeting tonight where he discussed his job, heparin and Dennis Quaid. He didn't where his lab coat and apparently hasn't worn it for a few years. He tapped Kim as his task master(?), but she wasn't able to control Alex's random thoughts...such as Dennis Quaid is the lame version of Harrison Ford, which is really the only reason any one knows who Dennis Quaid is. He was an extra in Stripes, which is probably his most notable role. I don't think there is any mechanism, strategy or mineral to stop Alex's random thoughts. Grant had the best strategy of just not inviting him to meetings. I guess Alex's random thoughts are the Superman of thoughts (minus the vulnerability to kryptonite).
Nigel has a new lady friend who is very multicoloral...white(hailing from Whitetoria), green (Irish), red (Native American), and black (African). She is also Italian because that's the nationality you get when you mix whites, greens and reds...just look at the flag.
Kim dominates the claw game. $2 has turned into two balls and bear in Bulls gear...it's too bad you can't pull sausage pizza out of the claw game. That would really give reason to being Kim's friend. Although, I can't imagine sausage pizza coming from the claw game would be of the highest grade. Sliders would probably be a better choice of prize for the claw game. Their size makes them the claw's perfect mark and their deliciousness is invincible to any hostile storage environment. For all I know, White Castle employees don't make sliders they actually do pull them from a claw machine. This is probably the reason getting a 30 pack takes so long. With Kim's sole ability of commanding the claw game she should work for White Castle and become their Jesus.
(video not edited)
Anyway, the Amazing Jonathan is hilarious and other things were discussed, but I can't stop thinking about having a White Castle branded claw machine...that would be rizzy.
Location: Bill's Pub
Chair: Ondo Show
Grant held a meeting tonight where he discussed his job, heparin and Dennis Quaid. He didn't where his lab coat and apparently hasn't worn it for a few years. He tapped Kim as his task master(?), but she wasn't able to control Alex's random thoughts...such as Dennis Quaid is the lame version of Harrison Ford, which is really the only reason any one knows who Dennis Quaid is. He was an extra in Stripes, which is probably his most notable role. I don't think there is any mechanism, strategy or mineral to stop Alex's random thoughts. Grant had the best strategy of just not inviting him to meetings. I guess Alex's random thoughts are the Superman of thoughts (minus the vulnerability to kryptonite).
Nigel has a new lady friend who is very multicoloral...white(hailing from Whitetoria), green (Irish), red (Native American), and black (African). She is also Italian because that's the nationality you get when you mix whites, greens and reds...just look at the flag.
Kim dominates the claw game. $2 has turned into two balls and bear in Bulls gear...it's too bad you can't pull sausage pizza out of the claw game. That would really give reason to being Kim's friend. Although, I can't imagine sausage pizza coming from the claw game would be of the highest grade. Sliders would probably be a better choice of prize for the claw game. Their size makes them the claw's perfect mark and their deliciousness is invincible to any hostile storage environment. For all I know, White Castle employees don't make sliders they actually do pull them from a claw machine. This is probably the reason getting a 30 pack takes so long. With Kim's sole ability of commanding the claw game she should work for White Castle and become their Jesus.
(video not edited)
Anyway, the Amazing Jonathan is hilarious and other things were discussed, but I can't stop thinking about having a White Castle branded claw machine...that would be rizzy.
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