What I Didn't Do the Past 2 Years

I just noticed this blog hasn't been updated in a while. What happened? Why didn't anyone tell me it was my responsibility to type words onto it? I thought the Internet took care of that for me. I guess it doesn't. Stupid, lazy Internet. Anyway, a lot has happened since the last time I took time out of my busy and important life to 'blog' as they say. I did a bunch of stuff. Most of it rizzy. I would recall many of my rizzy events for you but that would take too much effort to recall and fact-check. So, I'm just going to list a bunch of things I didn't do and you can fill in the blanks with things I actually did.

• I guess one of the first things I didn't do was write. Mostly, I haven't been writing things to this blog. You would have known that if you visited more. So, I'm going to go ahead and start of list of things you didn't do and put 'Visiting rizzy-sausagepizza' on the top.
• I didn't lose weight. I actually acquired some. But, most of it was on sale, via a gift card or a coupon. So, it's all good.
  
• I have not been keeping up with the news. Every day there is new news. It's wasted effort for me to try to keep up with such a break neck pace. I'm focusing more of watching children's cartoons. Honestly, there are a lot of timeless lessons in those cartoons that I think a lot of people who do watch the news (or make it into the news) could benefit from re-learning. Don't bite others, don't take things that aren't yours, help your friends. Basically, watch the news and I bet I can reference an episode of Sesame Street, Backyardigans, Wonder Pets, etc that, if it were watched before the incident, could have avoided it. Don't quote me on this one but I think in the first episode of Sesame Street season 3, Oscar covers Big Bird in oil and Bob and Marie sing a song on why it's bad.
  
• I have not been making out with your girlfriend/boyfriend. That's not to say someone else hasn't. If you think someone has, maybe check their blog to see if 'making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend' is on their list of things they haven't been doing.
  
• I have not been diving in the shallow end of the pool. Signs mean what signs communicate via horrible graphics.
• I have not been playing Jai alai. It's just really hard to find a good league in my area.
• I have not been traveling. The only traveling I believe in is time traveling and I don't even know if it's possible.
• I have not been taking pictures of the things I haven't done and I will not be posting them to Facebook for you to not see. Don't ask why.
• I have not died. Sooo, thanks for noticing or checking in on me these last two years. Did you even google for rizzy or sausage pizza?
• I haven't become an Olympic setter in volleyball. I think a big reason for this is that I really just don't care how many times the ball spins in the air after it leaves my hands. Honestly, I think the natural state of a ball in the air is spinning. Name one other (real) sport where the ball is not supposed to spin? Also, I can't get behind a rule that eliminates 99% of what the Globetrotters could bring to the sport of volleyball
  
• I have not been clubbing baby seals...but I haven't had to sell any cars either. Good luck Crazy Ernie.
  
• I haven't been doing manual labor. I have paid others to take care of any manual labor that needed doing. I like to think this helps the lagging Economy...but, I'm not sure many of the laborers I hired 'report income'. I'm no account, but this might actually hurt the economy.
  
• I haven't been working hard. I have been hardly working. Not really sure about this one. According to my constant response to the guy in the office whose name I can't remember when he asks 'Working hard or hardly working?', this is true.

Imaginary Mad Props from Grant's Head

We headed back to Bill's pub, despite our previous issues, to kick off the new winter volleyball season. It was kind of like going to the fallback booty call (again). When you’re there it’s worth it, but you feel a little dirty. The league actually started a week later, so all the Olympians made it back.



A few things changed. Alex picked up a new player using 6th grade pick up techniques. He had a friend hand Joe (the new middle) a note asking him if he wanted to play volleyball with Alex. Obviously, Joe accepted since Alex was wearing his new Reebok pumps.

Most things didn’t change…Animal pelts still cover Bill’s Pub’s walls and they are amazingly lice free. Alex destroys White Castle and has a new found ability to consume a crave case during his lunch break (also know as the distance from the drive-thru window to his office parking lot). An entire crave case is an exaggeration, but he can do at least an 8 point meal, which means Alex points to 8 menu items for his order. Also, if the item comes in various sizes and the drive through operator offers the larger size he takes it. Similar to the Super Size Me movie, but Alex doesn’t accept the larger size to prove a point; he accepts it because his stomach makes a logical argument to his brain. The conversation is as follows.

White Castle: “May I take your order?”
Alex: Pointing to cheese sticks “1 order of cheese sticks.”
WC: “Would you like the family size?”
Alex’s stomach’s inner monologue: “I’m part of a family. No members of my family are with me right now, but it would be rude to discount them.”
Alex: “Yes, the family size would be rizzy.”

Mostly conversation covered a wide range of important issues.

1) Grant’s current employment is making lists. And, since Grant is in Quality Assurance, his lists are apparently quality assured. So why is Halle Berry not on his top 20 list although she was just named the sexist women alive? Because Grant is also on number 1 on the list of people who make terrible lists.

2) Alex’s knee is aging faster than the rest of his body. Currently, Alex’s knee has 1 child and a medium length pony tail. That put its age between 36 and 39. Let’s hope it stays healthy enough to play next year and avoids trying to bang knees much younger than itself. It’s tough to see a knee going through a midlife crisis, particularly when the calf and thigh are just hitting their prime.

3) Alex made the statement that beverages served within Bills Pub are colder than beverages served elsewhere. This hasn’t been proved as actual fact, but it also hasn’t been disproved. I’m not a scientist, so I’ll stand by it. An additional theory about Bill's frosted mugs was proposed, but it did not have solid proof such as being declared by Alex.

I’ve been online for almost an hour, so by Alex’s logic I should have a few job offers sitting in the inbox. But, I do want to put this advertisement below…

SWM SEEKING SURPRISE PARTY

Not in someone’s pants. Looking for someone to yell “SUPRPISE!” at your upcoming surprise party? Don’t want a choker who drinks from their beverage just as the Suprisee walks into the room? Call Alex to rizzy up the “SUPRPISE!” at your surprise party. Will need ride to party if before October 31st.

End of an Era...

I guess it's fitting that this blog of commentary occurring while eating sausage pizza started with discussing the Free Refill Era at Bill' s Pub (/spit) and concludes with the end of our league and the tragic fall of our patronage to Bill's Pub (/spit).
THE TRAGIC TALE
It starts with winning our 1st playoff match and being forced to stay at league for a 2nd playoff match, thus delaying the main point of the night(eating pizza). Alex makes the bold decision to call Bill's Pub (/spit) and order our pizza so it's ready upon our arrival. However, Bill's Pub (/spit) does not allow you to "pre-order", but Alex is surprisingly cunning when it comes to eating and asks if we can order a pizza for pick up and just eat it within the establishment. The answer is yes. A major victory for the evening, so we thought. Upon losing our 2nd playoff match we victoriously head to Bill's Pub (/spit) to dine on our awaiting pizza. The pizza is ready as promised, but when we go to sit down at one of the many open tables we are told we can not eat that pizza within their friendly confine. They acted as if a sausage pizza made for delivery would transform into a bomb and detonate if it were placed on one of their tables. I know sausage pizza is a powerful cuisine, but it cannot transform into a bomb...nothing would transform into a bomb because that is stupid. When things transform they transform into something cooler Optimus Prime --> Truck, Megatron --> Walther P-38, Grimlock --> T-Rex, etc . They don't transform into something that would destroy themselves, in essence a bomb. Why we were treated so poorly at Bill's Pub (/spit) is unknown, but we ending up taking our sausage pizza and eating it at Alex's house where the pizza caused no problems upon placing it on his table. I can only speculate that Bill's Pub (/spit) said their good-byes to our delivery pizza since it was to be leaving like most delivery pizzas do and didn't want to go through the awkwardness of running into it soon after saying good-bye...I know this is an uncomfortable scenario. It's like when you run into someone you know at Target while you're both still shopping. Obviously, you have to stop and converse when you first see each other, but you both still have shopping to do and you're not good enough friends to shop together. You speak for a few minutes and then say your parting statements...but you see each other 5 more times within the aisles. A few times you pretend like you're looking at something on the shelf and don't notice them and they do the same, other times you rattle off a witty 1-liner (Hey, haven't seen you in while!), or maybe you just exchange nods. Anyway, it's uncomfortable, but it's no excuse for Bill's Pub (/spit)

Anyway, we still ate pizza, but we were surrounded by Alex's homosexual paraphernalia which included puzzles, rainbow colored t-shirts, and wieners. I didn't actually see wieners, but I'm sure he called Nigel and told him to hide them.

So, sausage pizza at Bill's Pub (/spit) is over. It's the end of an era...if 3 months can actually be considered an era. I'm sure sausage pizza will still be consumed (hopefully not at Alex's wiener laden home), but somewhere. If anyone knows of a good place, let me know. I'm sure we can figure out a way to make them hate us as well.

Bye Week

The league has let us down once again by not giving us a reason to leave our houses. One would think sausage pizza is enough to get people to leave their houses, but if that was true, pizza delivery people would be unemployed. We have another bye this week, giving me time to wonder why is it called a 'bye' (and why does the English language have by, buy and bye. No wonder the majority of immigrants can't speak the language). In the common use of the word 'bye', someone shows up and leaves and 'bye' is announced during the leaving. Or, at least their is some type of exchange, verbal or otherwise, concluding with the word 'bye'. For the bye week, there is no such exchange and we just don't show up, giving no reason for anyone to say 'bye' to us. What's even worse is that at volleyball tournaments the 'bye' generally means your team officiates and there is no leaving. From now on I don't want anyone to tell me that my team has a 'bye'. Volleyball league schedules should just be noted with "The good looking team won't be here so don't bother showing up. If for some reason you do show up, we'll at least say bye to you when you leave". For tournament schedules it should say "Shouldn't have won so much because now you officiate a lame match. Don't forget to say bye to all the losing teams who will enjoy getting something to eat and possibly have a few (more) drinks. But hey, maybe you'll make it to the Olympics someday".

Also, I need to make a correction about Tom's heritage. Apparently he's Welsh. Which basically means he's white, can't dance, can't jump, can't care for a lawn, can't own a casino and doesn't get any benefits of affirmative action. Be proud Tom.

The straw that hunched the Laama's back

Alex and Grant are participating in different versions of a 'coke diet'. Grant is giving up drinking coke (for those of you who don't know Grant, Coke is really the liquid version of sausage pizza to him) and Alex is going to do coke (and smoke cigarettes). Grant has only been on his diet for 2 days, but he's discovered that drinking water makes you pee (apparently more than drinking Coke). It's too bad he doesn't have the Camel's ability to store the excess water in a hump because he's losing productivity by going to the bathroom so much. Alex, being of Camel/Llama decent, has been mutated to have the Camel's ability to store food/water/beer in humps (his stomach and humped-back formerly misdiagnosed as bad posture). However, he obviously uses the mutation to be less productive and to lay on couches for entire Sundays without moving. Both diets do have their merits...Grant will be healthier for giving up coke and Alex will get skinner, possibly lose his humps and become more productive. The nice thing for Alex is that his New Year's resolution is to always drink his beverage through a straw. This means he will need to carry a few extra straws around since beer is usually served without straw. So, he can use those extra straws for doing coke as long as the coke is in powdered form.

Cocaine has several forms similar to those of salt or sugar, so it's funny that we haven't seen coke cubes, coke canes (not to be confused with cocaine), coke packets or coke licks. Coke licks is a great idea to make hunting deer more sporting. The difficulty of gunning down a deer on cocaine at 50 yards has to be greater than gunning down a sober deer. But, I guess once it crashed you could probably walk up to it and shoot it. A deer's heart rate can be as high as 265 beats a minute when a wolf howls, so its heart would really be racing after a few hits from the coke lick and hearing a gun shot...actually the deer's heart may burst on the spot or a simple "Boo" might be enough for the kill. Killing a coked up deer by scaring it would result in a very rizzy deer head mount.

In the long run, though, giving deer coke wouldn't result in yielding much venison and it might contain some weird deer VD since the does would start whoring themselves out to get their next hit. That's just what cocaine does to females.

Also, when was the first straw placed in a beverage and why? I don't see any straws in Da Vinci's The Last Supper.
Current Last Supper

Placing the straw in the painting clarifies its message and shows the significance of the straw.
Actually Last Supper

It's really Jesus' gift to mankind (it's much easier to wrap than dying for our sins) and Jesus was a carpenter and the straw is akin to the hammer. You could push nails into wood but that is a lot of work for the hands...enter the hammer and the hands have much less work to do. The straw offers similar simplification for the hands. When eating, your hands have to hold your knife and fork (or pizza and fries). One of these items must be dropped when getting a drink...enter the straw and your hands simply have to hold your food and you just bend 30 degrees to get a drink (or 5 degrees if your Alex, the evolution of the lazy man). Also, the straw has the ablity to spit in gravity's eye by simply putting your finger over one end of it. That's Jesus' type of magic.

Anyway, straws are pretty rizzy and it's to bad they are associated to the word "suck". As the dictionary verb definition, straws do suck, but as slang they don't. I think a new word should be used to describe how the straw operates...I don't think rizzy fits...maybe straw should have a verb form...I imagine the verb form of straw used in the following conversation...
"Do you suck your beverage through a straw?"
"No, I straw my beverage through a straw."
"Indeed. I do do that as well"

Making Out Like a Bandit

I'm not sure how well Bandits "make out", but, the expression's popularity makes it seem like they do good work. The real question is what does "making out" refer to...since it's Christmas time, does it refer to getting a lot of good gifts? Or does "making out" refer to a more rizzy definition (which is still not clearly defined) and could be kissing + touching or kissing + a tilt of head, etc. Bandits carry the connotation of being sleazy so "making out" for them is probably fairly involved and includes a lot of touching and other extracurriculars. I guess either way "making out like a bandit" is pretty awesome and I should be "making out" pretty well this Christmas since I know I'm getting some good video games.

In the more rizzy definition, I will probably not have as much luck as Alex. Alex really needs to nail down the definition of "making out" so we know what he's talking about when he says he "made out" with someone over the weekend. This would help Grant's line of follow-up questioning and know whether to shelf "How did they look naked?" or use it as his lead. As it stands today, the degree of nakedness within "making out" is unknown and thankfully Grant recognizes this and brings it into question. Also, for simplicities sake, I just assume "making out" is a synonym for banging. I don't know why, but I guess it just makes more sense to me that 2 adults would conclude a make out session for a biological reasons and not some awkward moment that may or may not include a handshake...anyway that's just me. So, I guess we could all learn how to make out or create some type of "making out" scale. My rough draft of the scale is below.

RIZZINESS SCALE OF MAKING OUT
1 - Kissing w/tongue...if you kiss your mom or child that shouldn't be classified as a 1 rizzy make out.
2 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt
3 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching
4 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching only upper half
5 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + over shirt touching of both halves
6 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + under shirt touching either half
7 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + removal of upper half clothing (I think this is where making out like a Bandit starts)
8 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + complete nakedness
9 - Kissing w/tongue + head tilt + any degree of nakedness + extracurriculars that don't lead to making babies
10 - Banging...kissing or head tilt is optional.

So, using this scale you could say "It was just a 1 rizzy make out" or "We made out 10 rizzy style" or "I don't know I was so drunk the last thing I remember was 8 rizzy and I woke up naked". I don't think it's perfect, but at least it helps Grant hold out the nakedness question for at least a 7 rizzy.

Also, the sausage pizza was good (comparable to a .75 rizzy make out session). Alex tried to hold out since he ate $5 worth of pot luck food at work (He's going to send out the recipes and I'll try to post them on the blog) Grant was clearly distressed by Alex's lack of eating. However, temptation got the best of Alex and he burned his mouth on slice 1 about 10 minutes after the pizza was delivered. It serves him right trying to overcome a temptation as strong as sausage pizza...anyway, Grant's life was put back in balance after Alex started eating and everyone lived happily ever after, except for Dave for any number of reasons which can only be seen not written.

Going Hungry Tonight....

I wasn't able to attend tonight's Sausage Pizza domination. You could say I was there in spirit...but it's not likely spirits can enjoy the deliciousness of sausage pizza, so who cares. And, if mine did have some sausage pizza, it did not share it's joy with me...so either my spirit sucks at life or it is a tormented spirit since it can see sausage pizza but not taste it. Anyway, I couldn't attend because I'm married with child. Marriage and children mean a severe loss in freedom...a loss great enough that if Braveheart's wife, Murron, did not have her throat cut and he wasn't disemboweled, a sequel could have been made where he fought for his freedom not from an oppressive ruler (Edward "Longshanks" of England) but from his life of marriage and children.

So, I'm sure tonight's meal was mega rizzy (probably not quite rizzy rizzy, unless 2 girls made out...sausage pizza + 2 girls making out might need an extra rizzy). If anyone were to notice the group devouring obese amounts of sausage pizza they might think 1)they really enjoy their sausage pizza 2)there's a good looking group of people (everyone being part of the good looking aesthetic beauty association for 20+ years) and finally 3)why would those people hang out with each other? Without seeing the group and stereotyping us by age, race and gender, this doesn't make sense. So let's do that.

Visually, the entire cast of people who think sausage pizza is rizzy includes Mexicans, old guys, Aryans, Caucasians, a baby and a token African-American. So, we should be a culturally diverse group, but I think the only one who practices any cultural tradition is Tom (I believe Tom is Irish so all he has to do is drink and turn red when hit by sunlight. Also, if the Irish love White Castle, Tom fits that stereotype as well...actually I might be Irish). Anyway, I think most of us defy our stereotypes and actually fill in for each other's stereotypes. Examples...
1) The stereotypical baby loves to sleep, hence the term "sleep like a baby". Brandon (the baby) sucks at sleeping and Lisa who is in her early 20's has the ability to sleep roughly 16 hours a day. I hope someday Brandon will "sleep like a Lisa".
2) Mexicans love to play soccer...Mike and Nigel both play more soccer and know more about the "sport" than Alex.
3) White people can't jump...myself, Duffy and high-school-Grant jump very well. Maybe almost as well as Nigel, but I'm not sure because I've only seen Nigel jump into a wooden bench in an attempt to shatter it into a million splinters. He was unsuccessful.
4) Old people are wrinkly. Mike is the eldest, having followed "The Dead". He has probably been asked if he would like crayons and a children's menu more than asked to see his ID.

Anyway, stereotypes are based in truth. But, never interrupt someone else's conversation with that line...especially in the bathroom. If you do, something extremely unrizzy could happen.

Sausage Pizza Meeting...

Time: 6:30
Location: Bill's Pub
Chair: Ondo Show
Grant held a meeting tonight where he discussed his job, heparin and Dennis Quaid. He didn't where his lab coat and apparently hasn't worn it for a few years. He tapped Kim as his task master(?), but she wasn't able to control Alex's random thoughts...such as Dennis Quaid is the lame version of Harrison Ford, which is really the only reason any one knows who Dennis Quaid is. He was an extra in Stripes, which is probably his most notable role. I don't think there is any mechanism, strategy or mineral to stop Alex's random thoughts. Grant had the best strategy of just not inviting him to meetings. I guess Alex's random thoughts are the Superman of thoughts (minus the vulnerability to kryptonite).


Nigel has a new lady friend who is very multicoloral...white(hailing from Whitetoria), green (Irish), red (Native American), and black (African). She is also Italian because that's the nationality you get when you mix whites, greens and reds...just look at the flag.

Kim dominates the claw game. $2 has turned into two balls and bear in Bulls gear...it's too bad you can't pull sausage pizza out of the claw game. That would really give reason to being Kim's friend. Although, I can't imagine sausage pizza coming from the claw game would be of the highest grade. Sliders would probably be a better choice of prize for the claw game. Their size makes them the claw's perfect mark and their deliciousness is invincible to any hostile storage environment. For all I know, White Castle employees don't make sliders they actually do pull them from a claw machine. This is probably the reason getting a 30 pack takes so long. With Kim's sole ability of commanding the claw game she should work for White Castle and become their Jesus.
(video not edited)

Anyway, the Amazing Jonathan is hilarious and other things were discussed, but I can't stop thinking about having a White Castle branded claw machine...that would be rizzy.

Sausage Pizza is served quite hot...

This is obvious, but when the waiter/waitress places a pizza before you this logic is surprisingly removed from the brain. It would be nice if the black art pizza uses to remove this logic from the brain would also remove the sensory portion that experiences pain because biting into a pizza recently removed from a 450 degree oven hurts. 450 degrees is very hot...its roughly the melting for Selenium...that's ridiculous. The cruelty doesn't just stop with pain...the burn also has the ability to remove the sense of taste. Which means you are left with imagining the taste but still doing the work of lifting the pizza slice and chewing it...I'm positive this sadistic situation is what inspired Len Wein to give Wolverine his regeneration ability. Maybe it's not pizza's black art, but simply the mind craving pizza so much that it's willing to believe the pizza oil is not as hot as the oil poured from castles onto naive attackers. Either way pizza is served hot and it sucks when your burn the roof of your mouth or tongue.

Speaking of castles, Tommy mentioned that a blog about rizziness needs to include White Castle. I think this is true and made me wonder what is it about White Castle that makes it so rizzy (other than deliciousness). My conclusion is that anything with "castle" in its name or associated with castles is pretty much always rizzy.
Examples:

- Castle Grayskull - Medieval Times - Hendrix's Castles Made of Sand - Sand Castles

Also, castles are guaranteed to have attractive princesses and likely (at least in my mind) to have bear skin rugs...this makes getting 2 notches on the belt possible (1 notch for princess, 1 notch for bear skin rug). However, the log cabin is probably the structure most likely to have a bear skin rug, but its not likely to have attractive princesses. There should probably be a notch for sex in a castle since it's a dominant structure...better than the tepee, the igloo, the house, the fort, etc. I think the only thing that rivals it is Helms Deep an it's really just a spin off of the castle. Anyway, I think Castle is a good name for baby #2.



There were plenty of gems at tonights pizza consuming...

• Million Dollar Idea: Making crates with "Babysitter" labeled on the side. A crate is probably a better babysitter than most human options.


• Firing a BB gun probably isn't the same as firing a real gun...and if anyone asks you if you've fired a gun, don't use a BB gun as your example.


• Cheerleaders are slackers...they abbreviate team names when creating vocals for cheers and really put no thought into their words...if you take away their flashy gymnastics and prettiness, there is nothing to inspire a team to victory...Braveheart didn't need fancy stunts or good-looks to inspire an army to victory against hopeless odds. He only needed words...and Freedom



• Does Wheel of Fortune display the letters selected to the contestants? If so, why do some people ask for a letter that's already been selected? Are they stupid? If Alex was a contestant he would always try to solve the puzzle. Peter Griffin is clearly the best contestant ever



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• English class is really just S.S.R, so bring your calculator so you can actually learn something (preferably the TI-85)

The Thanksgiving meal is like Voltron

The idea of the blog was to post discussions had over pizza before or after league. But, in the last month we've only had 1 match, which makes me wonder why we paid an entry fee for a league that never occurs.

Anyway, it's Thanksgiving which means I will still eat a meal that can compete with sausage pizza. The Thanksgiving meal reminds me of Voltron, because alone none of the dishes are impressive, much like the Voltron Lions. Turkey is good, but very one-dimensional. Stuffing and mashed potatoes are good, but alone don't make meals. And, corn needs meat. But, combined these foods can, given they possess or can create a blazing sword, cut hunger in half or at least destroy it with deliciousness. Also, both the Thanksgiving meal and Voltron get served. (this is really a creative tie-in).

Anyway, this post lacks any topics related to rizzyness or making out (making out actually has been overlooked overall)...so I will discuss a dream I had last night where 2 girls where making out (here defined by kissing and touching). 1 girl being someone I know very well and the other girl is related to the girl I know very well. I think the 4 people who read this can guess who the girls are...anyway the dream was mega rizzy...actually "mega" lacks the degree, impressiveness and volume necessary as the adverb...let's just say is was rizzy rizzy. With the first rizzy being the adverb, like mega, but with the definition being the degree and impressiveness of 2 girls making out.

Sausage Pi-zigg-ity is Ri-zigg-ity

The title (even though I can't remember how it was said so I can't spell it phonetically) is awesome and no post is really necessary. But, this is also awesome and so is this video



So, it's clear the following recount (as remembered by me) is destined for gloriousness and will dine in hell with Spartans.

• Grant loves Waukegan an unnatural amount...what is an unnatural amount?
  This is an unnatural amount of arms and legs
  (click image to hide)


• Alex does not love Wildwood an unnatural amount


• If a "girl" walks like a dude, she probably has a wiener or at least likes to scissor


• Make sure you have the pizza and spaghetti on the grill when people stop by for your All American meal


• There is probably more "A" material I just don't remember it or was parenting since the "dumb baby" came along. But this post contains the word 'phonetically', GI JOE, Family Guy and a mutant sooooo....What's going on? How are you? Yeah, oh it's just me, Stewie, just being myself, ah yeah. Oh, oh well this here? Oh, it's just my package, yeah just ah just ah my package, God delivered it I signed for it the world keeps on spinnin', yeah.

Suck at life...

No sausage pizza again because we had a bye this week, but the weekend's pizza onslaught kind of made up for not having pizza tonight.

The Story
On Saturday we ordered 1 large cheese pizza and 1 large pepperoni pizza both with stuffed crust from Pizza Hut (I am aware of the contradiction to the blog name and the pizza ordered). We received 1 cheese pizza no stuffed crust and 1 sausage pizza with stuffed crust. So, either someone sucks at life so much that they can't even get our order close to correct or my love of sausage pizza is so hearty, that no matter what I order, a sausage pizza will be delivered. Anyway, a complaint to the manager prompted him to ask "What would you like me do?" and we responded with "Give us the correct order"...So, we ended up with 4 large pizzas....Nice.

Morals of the Story

• It's good that some people suck at life because it allows people who don't suck at life to get free stuff.


• If your love is strong enough it won't be denied, even if you don't order it.


• Create a list of snappy comebacks for the question "What would you like me to do?". Answering the question politely and realistically isn't funny.

No Pizza Today

We didn't get pizza tonight since it's Halloween and league was canceled. It's ok though because we took BDP out Trick or Treating so I got candy, which is a close second to sausage pizza. This also marks the first time he was able to do something for me...it's not mowing the lawn or washing the car, but I think I would take a free heaping bag of candy over the previous tasks...in fact, if I asked him to mow the lawn and he countered with providing me a grocery bag full of candy which I don't have to pay for, I would accept. Now, all he has to do is retrieve beers for Alex on command and he will have fulfilled his destiny.

Heroes is the greatest show ever...if you disagree I will shoot you in the face. If you saw the last episode you would get the reference (man with the horned rimmed glasses shoots Ivan in the face). I would never shoot anyone in the face...unless there was a gun that shot pizza. I would gladly shoot someone in the face with a pizza shooting gun...the pizza shooting gun could be the next million dollar invention. In fact, eating pizza with your hands and not using a pizza shooting gun almost seems neanderthalic...I have nothing against Neanderthals (wouldn't want to get sued by the Geico cavemen) they just didn't have the technology to eat pizza any other way but using their hands...I guess they had spears, but delivering pizza to your face via a spear ultimately ends ups with a spear in the face.

I am the most rizziest person ever...if you disagree, disagree to my face...but disagree to my face using the Internet.

I typed 'rizzy' into Google Images and this came up. I'm not a big post-it user, but these have the power to change men...for rizzy.

Grant is better than my kid

1) Grant made it clear that he is much smarter than BDP...basically Grant is better than any child.
2) BDP is in the 99th percentile of loving balls (there just isn't a non-innuendo way to craft the statement).
3) You can save some money by ordering a cheese pizza and telling Duffy it's pepperoni...he won't know the difference.
4) Waitresses are much nicer to you if Alex isn't around.
5) What actually constitutes making out was brought up but not discussed in detail.
6) If you want to be left alone go to Saint George Island or just hang out with Grant and Julie.(BURN)
7) I am the only one who posts to this blog because I'm a super genius and because I don't know how to give anyone else rights to post.

Post for Oct. 18, 0 AFR

This post occurs on Wednesday, October 18th in year 0 AFR.

Dates will now be referenced using the BFR (Before Free Refills) and AFR (After Free Refills) epochs (epoch)

Other topics covered but were not as sweet as free refills...
1) Alex is going to go to a seminar to get a super memory...there's a money back guarantee so it's a pretty sweet deal.
2) The debate rages on over whose break dancing flare is better between Alex and Nigel


After seeing this video, I don't know if either of them are conducting the proper flare, but I'm white so my opinion means nothing on this subject
3) I know a million dollar idea was discussed but I can't remember what is was...hopefully Alex gets his super memory soon because we can't afford to bring a stenographer to Wednesday night pizza...there was also a movie with Kate Hudson and some male actor where Kate Hudson was a stenographer and the title of the movie contained people's names, but the best title we could come up with was Kate and Leopold, but that's not right since it starred Wolverine and Meg Ryan...maybe it's You Me and Dupree.