What I Didn't Do the Past 2 Years

I just noticed this blog hasn't been updated in a while. What happened? Why didn't anyone tell me it was my responsibility to type words onto it? I thought the Internet took care of that for me. I guess it doesn't. Stupid, lazy Internet. Anyway, a lot has happened since the last time I took time out of my busy and important life to 'blog' as they say. I did a bunch of stuff. Most of it rizzy. I would recall many of my rizzy events for you but that would take too much effort to recall and fact-check. So, I'm just going to list a bunch of things I didn't do and you can fill in the blanks with things I actually did.

• I guess one of the first things I didn't do was write. Mostly, I haven't been writing things to this blog. You would have known that if you visited more. So, I'm going to go ahead and start of list of things you didn't do and put 'Visiting rizzy-sausagepizza' on the top.
• I didn't lose weight. I actually acquired some. But, most of it was on sale, via a gift card or a coupon. So, it's all good.
  
• I have not been keeping up with the news. Every day there is new news. It's wasted effort for me to try to keep up with such a break neck pace. I'm focusing more of watching children's cartoons. Honestly, there are a lot of timeless lessons in those cartoons that I think a lot of people who do watch the news (or make it into the news) could benefit from re-learning. Don't bite others, don't take things that aren't yours, help your friends. Basically, watch the news and I bet I can reference an episode of Sesame Street, Backyardigans, Wonder Pets, etc that, if it were watched before the incident, could have avoided it. Don't quote me on this one but I think in the first episode of Sesame Street season 3, Oscar covers Big Bird in oil and Bob and Marie sing a song on why it's bad.
  
• I have not been making out with your girlfriend/boyfriend. That's not to say someone else hasn't. If you think someone has, maybe check their blog to see if 'making out with your boyfriend/girlfriend' is on their list of things they haven't been doing.
  
• I have not been diving in the shallow end of the pool. Signs mean what signs communicate via horrible graphics.
• I have not been playing Jai alai. It's just really hard to find a good league in my area.
• I have not been traveling. The only traveling I believe in is time traveling and I don't even know if it's possible.
• I have not been taking pictures of the things I haven't done and I will not be posting them to Facebook for you to not see. Don't ask why.
• I have not died. Sooo, thanks for noticing or checking in on me these last two years. Did you even google for rizzy or sausage pizza?
• I haven't become an Olympic setter in volleyball. I think a big reason for this is that I really just don't care how many times the ball spins in the air after it leaves my hands. Honestly, I think the natural state of a ball in the air is spinning. Name one other (real) sport where the ball is not supposed to spin? Also, I can't get behind a rule that eliminates 99% of what the Globetrotters could bring to the sport of volleyball
  
• I have not been clubbing baby seals...but I haven't had to sell any cars either. Good luck Crazy Ernie.
  
• I haven't been doing manual labor. I have paid others to take care of any manual labor that needed doing. I like to think this helps the lagging Economy...but, I'm not sure many of the laborers I hired 'report income'. I'm no account, but this might actually hurt the economy.
  
• I haven't been working hard. I have been hardly working. Not really sure about this one. According to my constant response to the guy in the office whose name I can't remember when he asks 'Working hard or hardly working?', this is true.